By: Alexis Guerra
Like of the Week: Keep your Kisser Fresh and your Pearly Whites Bright.
You’re on a blind date. Your date asks you if you would like red wine or white wine. Dammit! You love red wine but you do NOT love the fact that it stains your teeth, lips and mouth.
“White.” You muster feebly, all the while eye-f*)$%ing the crap out of that bottle of Pinot Noir at the table beside you and thinking, “Lucky Bastards!” as you sip your Pinot Grigio.
Cut to “Later that night”: Time for the good night kiss. Dammit AGAIN! That garlic sauce still feels like it’s lingering on your breath and there’s not a damn mint in sight! You lean in and do the awkward side kiss. Now your date thinks you’re not feeling them. Game Over.
Has this ever happened to you? If so, then fret no more, your days of wine-stained teeth and less than fresh breath are now a thing of the past!
All thanks to the company Borracha, creators of an ingenious little line of products that will be just what you need to keep your teeth sparkling, stain-free and peppermint fresh! Choose between the Pearly White Wipes (for fresher breath after those one too many cups of morning coffee per se) or the Wine Wipes (for those pesky full-bodied wines that insist on staining)– a few swipes of these wipes and you’ll feel like a million bucks! These pint-sized packaged products come equipped with 20 wipes for those moments in life when your mouth needs just a hint of freshness, and at $6.95 each they’re a steal!
To purchase and learn more about the products, click here.
Dislike of the Week: Vampires, Werewolves…now Elves…?
Okay, there have been some famous elves out there, don’t get me wrong. The ones that cobbled shoes for that old shoemaker in that children’s tale that my mom used to read to me when I was a kid, Legolas and that chick that Liv Tyler played in the movie, Lord of the Rings, those cookie lovin’ Keebler elves, and let’s not forget Will Ferrell’s portrayal as ‘Buddy the Elf’ in Elf. But have you ever really considered the option of transforming yourself to actually look like an elf?
Pish Posh, you say. But those people are out there. Among us. Donning pointed ears.
Yes, you heard me correctly; there are those who are going under the knife to surgically enhance their ears for that oh-so-perfectly pointed eared elfin look. It might just be me but I feel as though this is one of those things that might seem like a good idea for a fleeting moment, in like a Hangover “Lets-steal-Mike-Tyson’s-tiger” kind of way, that is until you wake up one morning and look in the mirror all the while screaming in your head, “Holy f*%&…I have pointed ears?! What in the hell was I thinking!?”
Also, call me a nerd, but I always like to think of the big picture, aka the“fast-forward,” as I like to call it. You know, that time 40 years from now when you’re still rocking the elfin look while you’re in your rocking chair and your perplexed grandchild is asking you what’s wrong with your ears and wearing a look that can only be surmised as a mixture of horror and wide-eyed freak-show fascination…
This $600 procedure takes only twenty minutes of your sweet, precious time, making it the fast food chain version of surgery. Who performs this surgery, you ask? Enter Steve Hayworth, who will not only make all your elf eared wishes come true, but has even won the Guinness World Record for “Most Advanced Body Modification Artist.” Well if that’s not reference enough, I don’t know what is!
But it gets better, since Hayworth is not actually a credited Dr., the operation is performed with no anesthesia. REPEAT – no anesthesia.
Yeeeaaaaaaaaaaahh, I think I’m good. So, basically, not only will someone be splitting your ear cartilage and then resewing it into a point, but you’ll have to experience every excruciating iota of pain as it’s being done. Elves are alright and all, but this this craze just sounds straight up craz-y.
To witness this trend with your own eyes, check out the vid below.
