Q. “I want to have anal sex, but that’s one act I’m clueless about. Is it safe? What do I need to know?  And is there such a thing as anal virginity? ” — Clueless

A. Dear Clueless

I’m intrigued by your raising the question of “anal virginity”.  “Anal virginity,” for what it’s worth, doesn’t get the same attention as loss of one’s heterosexual virginity which has been depicted in such popular films as American Pie and The 40 Year Old Virgin.   This is not to say anal sex is only for homosexuals and while I have no statistics to support this I am going to venture a guess that heterosexuals tend to lose their vaginal virginity prior to their “anal virginity.”   Although I have heard about teenage girls in corn fields, donning purity rings who  “save” their “virginity for marriage” by participating in alternate sexual acts (ie: oral sex and anal sex).

This brings us back to your question (sort of): if a male or female has never had vaginal intercourse, yet engages in anal sex, are they still a “virgin”.  For further reading, I recommend Jessica Valenti’s book The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women.   The author denies that virginity even exists.

Many people are intrigued about anal sex because it is still seen as somewhat taboo.  In fact, prior to 2003, sodomy was illegal in many states and punishable with fines and jail time (which is interesting since prison is a place the public often associates with sodomy).  In order for you to have a successful anal experience, you are going to need a willing partner, hopefully one you’ve discussed this with ahead of time.  Clueless, you didn’t indicate your gender or sexual orientation but for all you heterosexual men out there, I highly advise against just slipping it in the “wrong” hole and hoping she enjoys it.  Lube and lots of it is essential.   KY is sticky but Astroglide is fantastic.  It’s helpful to warm up with fingering (or having your partner) finger the anus.  Some people also enjoy annalingus.  In order to have a clean experience, some people opt to use enemas ahead of time and of course you will want to practice safer sex so use a condom.   If you’re really horny but completely impoverished, Gotham City has been good enough to provide us with free condoms and lube.  The rubbers aren’t the best quality and they only come in one size (sorry Magnum men and baby carrots) but here’s a link to where you can procure them:

http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/html/condoms/condoms-where.shtml

– Scarlet

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