What terrifies is genetic, and as such more than half the population is predisposed to think drivel such as Scream is a good thrill. For that we have a gene coding variant called catechol-O-methyltransferase, and its relative popularity in most individuals, to thank. For this reason there is a high probability that you yourself are psychophysiologically hard-wired to like bad horror movies. If so, not to worry: like diabetes, alcoholism, and congenital absence of the vas deferens this is not your fault, and with proper therapy it is possible to live your life knowing truly good horror. Before you can go out on your own and watch any horror movie you deem fit, it is necessary to have an understanding of where we have been. Consider this your introduction, a Twelve Step program, and like any good psychoanalyst would suggest we need to go back in time to horror’s infancy.

Not long after the first motion picture camera was patented in 1895 was there someone seeking to use this new medium to terrify. In fact, it was one year later. In 1896 French director Georges Méliès brought the world Manor of the Devil, often credited as the first horror film. It was short and sweet, not scary at all, but mandatory viewing nonetheless. Soon America followed suit with adaptations of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Frankenstein, and a number of other Hollywood productions. You may be inclined to think these are important, but you would be wrong. Instead let us skip ahead to Germany after the First World War. The German expressionists of this time were about to do something that every great horror director has done since: prove that with a cheaper budget, better story, and more creativity one can produce something much more magnificent and socially impacting than anything those filth-mongering sophists in Hollywood could ever hope to do.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

The 1920’s brought the world The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The Golem, Destiny, and Nosferatu. Without the massive Hollywood budgets the German expressionists had to focus on style, depth, and mood to infuse their films with the life many Hollywood films of this era lack. With the rise of the Nazi party in the 1930’s many of these directors would emigrate and continue their craft with bigger budgets, fancier sets, and more realistic monsters. Universal Studios ushered in a slew of monster movies, and the rampant xenophobia leading into World War II fueled the popularity of horror films with mummies, zombies, and werewolves that embodied the sensation of Us vs. Them.

Throughout the 1940’s Hollywood would do its best to do what it does best to this day—pump out sequel after sequel to milk a trend for all its worth. Frankenstein got a bride. Frankenstein met the Wolf Man. Hell, Frankenstein even met Abbott and Costello. Luckily a group of physicists would invent the atom bomb and horror film could move into its next phase.

With the constant threat of mass extinction extolled onto the masses daily throughout the Cold War in a new nuclear era, horror took on a definitively science fiction feel. Monsters created from radiation made their first appearances, constant fear of invasion made the Body Snatchers a success, and carrying on the tradition of rubbish Hollywood brought us a teenage werewolf for the first time—and unfortunately not the last. Studios resorted to gimmicks to attract increasingly jaded audiences who had become accustomed to the rinse, lather, repeat mantra of the horror genre. 3-D monsters attacked audiences, and it was awful. British studios raised the level of gore, a decent try but without the more sophisticated effects of later films there was little bite. However, something very important was brewing in Italy with the release of the first Italian film of the sound era, I Vampiri.

Italian horror would go on to pummel its audiences with the most distorted of moods, the most gratuitousness of violence, and, quite literally, buckets of blood. Mood was the primary goal, and films such as Suspiria, The Beyond, and Cannibal Holocaust would continually push the envelope of what horror films could do. But we get ahead of ourselves, and I believe we were about to enter the 1960’s… the Golden Age of horror.

The social revolution in the United States, the Vietnam War, and the death of Kennedy produced a uniquely twisted frame of mind that could allow Alfred Hitchcock, Roman Polanski, and Vincent Price to become household names. George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead would put an absolutely horrific face on an old monster that would transcend decades. Some standouts from this era are Psycho, Carnival of Souls, Blood Feast, but it is difficult to find disappointing films from this decade. The stage was set to try and up the ante in the 1970’s, and there was some serious doubling down to be done.

I Spit on Your Grave

The Exorcist and The Omen would shock the religious, while humans were reduced to pieces of meat—literally—for such greats as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Last House on the Left, and Halloween. Depravity and immorality was at the forefront of I Spit on Your Grave, and nothing was taboo anymore. In 1980 Jack Nicholson would creep us out in The Shining. Naturally, Hollywood now had to unravel everything and produce a decade of sequels, generic copycats, and remakes of earlier films to make a quick buck off someone else’s hard work—a fitting accolade to the Reagan Era. However, as with the German expressionists, smaller cameras meant more independent films could be made by better creative minds and the modern era of horror film was ushered in, but this is a discussion for another time.

Let’s recap. You are genetically engineered to like terrible horror films. Because of this, whenever a great idea springs up in the genre Hollywood pounces on it, producing conventional chicken feed filth for the sole purpose of luring you in and fattening you up. Eventually, once you gluttons grow complacent, repulsive, fat, and are least expecting it a true Master of Horror will come along for the slaughter. With proper therapy you may never have to run around with your head cut off again.