I wear this costume every year.

You still have plenty of time left to decide where to dress down into your sluttiest and goriest costumes. Every year we find ourselves doing the same shit with the same people and maybe ending up in a bathroom somewhere in Alphabet City with a bag of drugs and a new lover — but I digress. For this, we supply something new. A list to release your most macabre inhibitions while sucking the blood out of a stranger and sipping the marrow from your favorite drink. Delicious — indeed. Children and families need not apply.

5) Salem, MA — Hardly any city takes Halloween more seriously than Salem, Massachusetts — the site of the Salem witch trials of 1692. Blah, blah, blah — we’ve all read about that in grammar school but what you didn’t read about is that the residents of this village take their esteemed holiday very seriously. In fact, you can’t even get into a bar without a costume. Add nightly tours, graveyards older than grandma, and tourists from around the world and you’ll get that Halloween you’ve been craving for so long. Just get in the car and drive or if you’re too far for that, book a broom (har har).

4) Miami, FL — Unbeknownst to most of the civilized world is Miami’s penchant for an ass kicking All Hallows Eve. The streets of Coconut Grove’s Cocowalk are shut down for the night, allowing your drinking spree to continue unabated. If you’re looking to avoid the jetsetters and Miami’s version of the guido, then you’ll be in the right place. All of those glamor whores are off in South Beach riding the nose candy trail to the end of nowhere. Give Miami a go.

3) New Orleans, LA — When is it not a good time to go? The land of fine food, exquisite culture, and uber decadence provides yearlong reasons to visit, most notably on Halloween. As one of our favorite writers, Louis Maistros decreed, “Halloween is a perfect time of year to come. The weather is great, the crowds are small, and Halloween is more of a local artist-driven holiday — so it doesn’t become a big fat filthfest like Mardi Gras tends to.” If you’re not a fan of crowds but you’re a fan of this city then this is probably your best bet. Their costumes are reputed to be ridiculously good and the drinks are cheap.

2) Las Vegas, NV — The city of going-over-the-top has some of the best known Halloween parties this side of the hemisphere. With more money than God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and Bill Gates, they are able to throw all of their capital into Halloween-blasting orgies of fun and still able to make money from it. That’s the brilliance of pandering to desire and substance. As Whiskey Dregs writer, Aryn DeKaye says, “It’s fun.”

1) New York, NY — There is seriously no other place in the world that does Halloween better than New York. You’ll find many cities vying for that title, promising this and that but…no. They don’t have the capacity or abundant facilities to even attempt the feat. The common problem here isn’t what to do but how to fit all of the things you want to do into one night. Luckily, promoters and revelers have figured out a way to counter this problem — make Halloween a month long holiday. With haunted houses of different stripes, parades*, parties, zombie conferences (see: Zombie Con 2009), pumpkin ale specials, scantily-clad waitresses and waiters working the late shift, you can’t go wrong. Forget about New Year’s Eve. New Year’s Eve is so 1999. If you want a real celebration, you come to New York for Halloween.

*Try to avoid the Village parade this year. There’s so much more going on than that. It is packed, cold, and even finding a station to exit from to watch the parade can prove to be a hassle. Tourists, you have been warned. Instead do what the counter culture does and go to a party hosted by our friends at The Danger. They produce the best parties of all time.