happy v-day

I’m taking a break from writing quasi-political diatribes of observations and decided to write a list of things to do for Valentine’s Day… The way I would do them.

I am almost sad to report that your old friend Carlitos does not have a valentine for Valentine’s Day. This doesn’t mean that I still can’t give advice on what to do for St. V’s special day. These are things that I might do if I felt the urge to do something different.

I’m disturbed by this day as much as the next person but if you have to do it might as well have some fun.

1. The Almighty Card

Here’s where it usually begins. The card. The endless expression of love contained within a little cardboard flap because that’s what it really is. It’s that flap on a cardboard box filled with generic words like, “I’m so glad to have found the mate for my soul.” and blah, blah, blah. I say forget that little Hallmark card. Make your own. Get some cardboard paper, twist little designs on it, glue things to it, write your own words – whatever… Just be creative. The thing with Valentine’s Day is that it should be a celebration of love or partnership and not a competetion with yourself on how much you can buy for a person or how elaborate of a prefabricated card you can get. Just make it. I promise they’ll appreciate it more. You don’t even have to make it that fancy. Get some computer paper and draw a picture of two stick figures together holding hands – that’s suppose to represent you and your date or partner.

2. The Gift

Don’t go crazy with this and remember that if you go out to eat, your partner will have to carry this around with them everywhere you go which can become cumbersome. The focus should be on having a good time.

3. Food! Food! Food!

Restaurants are oversaturated with dates. I mean, it’s really bad. Some places you have to reserve a couple weeks in advance. It’s nuts. It’s packed and it can become more of a problem than the romantic candle lit dinner that you had imagined. The truth is that it’s waiters bumping into you, it’s a roaring bedlam of couples yapping away and then there’s the wait for the food because the kitchen might be backed up. Skip all of this and do a dinner at home. You can cook for your date or together. Doesn’t matter. Listen, you can pick the music you want to hear, pick the candles, the menu, the wine… It’s a lot more fun and it’s a display of genuine care. Anthony Bourdain once said that cooking is an expression of self. So… Express.

4. If The Date Makes It Past Dinner

Go out. Have some fun. Get to know your date. Get sexy. Get silly. Have some laughs. Go get some drinks and listen to some music. My suggestion is Lit. Here’s where I start to lose people but really… Hear me out. At Lit, the music isn’t banging. It’s loud enought to dance to but not overpowering enough to balk any conversation. Forget about the ground level floor though and hit the basement that’s where you’ll find nooks where the two of you can go and talk, drink, laugh… be merry. You can even argue down there because no one will hear you. After midnight, you can smoke. Good times.

5. So Things Are Going Really Well, You Say?

About this time, you should be having a lot of fun but maybe you’re not ready to go home yet. Where to next? Well, hopefully before you left the apartment, you considered emptying a bottle of fruit punch and pouring some of your favorite red wine into the bottle. I like El Coto – a Spanish red wine from the Rioja region. Fucking tasty. Now you have this great wine that is always at room temperature wherever you go. Where do you take it? You take it to Central Park. What??? Yes, Central Park. Specifically Bethesda Fountain. It’s packed with cops and there’s actually a lot of couples who go for strolls out there. I’ve been there several times at night and have never felt my life or wallet at risk of danger. If that’s not your concern then I’m sure the cold will be but that’s not such a bad thing either because it forces the two of you bundle up. Now you have your wine, a great night together and if you stay up late enough the sun might even peak through the trees.

6. The Next Morning

Call in sick.

P.S.

If you’re looking for a good album to get sexy with, check out the latest album by Burial called Untruth. Trip Hop style beats, old school House vocals like we love it  and ethereal pads. It’s good for some slow lovin’ and beats out my previous pick of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. Trust me on this.